12 November 2017

Satsang November 12, 2017: What are you looking for? Probably it is really love or acknowledgement from a peer, not really love for or from God, or eternal peace. Until you scratch the right itch, it will never stop.

LINK: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cw8XtfRG6uY&feature=youtu.be

My background is psychology, Zen, and Advaita for over 40 years. Because of my psychology background I emphasize feelings and expressing emotions as part of any serious search for self realization. One can find many experiences, many states of mind and consciousness, and many kinds of emotions and emotional blockages when looking and feeling into your sense of self: Emptiness or the Void; the inner light of consciousness; internal energies such as Kundalini, Chi, energy centers or chakras; one's own sense of presence, which feels like and energy field within and around one's body; experiences of the divine arising within; great experiences of surrender and of merger to God or to another; self, as universal consciousness; emotions; finally, the most important thing, being able to love completely, totally, with abandon.
It is about all of these issues and areas that I teach. Come, we will explore these together. This way is not so much about teachings, but learning how to experience your self on all levels, to discover and manifest everything that you are, from the divine, to complete nothingness, consciousness, all of which is embodied in a physical/mental bundle. You are incarnate.

08 November 2017


There is a huge misconception that a teacher or guru has everything figured out and is a total master of everything, including relationships. That certainly is not the case.  If you had seen all that I have seen with regard to teacher-student, teacher-teacher, and guru-spouse relations that I have, you’d know they struggle in the same pit as everyone else.

Even if they operate from the heart, the heart can be fooled.  It can make wrong choices.  It can make mistakes.

What would save the day in all such situations is clear expression of feelings and intentions so as to better mold expectations and define needs and behaviors.

The thing about many teachers is that they are not comfortable expressing feelings.  Many don’t have the words for feelings or even intentions.  They have been molded by their spiritual training often to ignore feelings and instead, perceive energies or many otherwise unconscious processes only.  Their emotional expressions are very limited.

These teachers use energies and expressions to affect people more or less on an unconscious level, and in a sense possess their student’s on an unconscious level. Osho was a master of this, using intellect, studied methods, and many other devices to create an aura of godhood around himself as a divine show, attracting thousands to follow. 

But around him was chaos.  The organization was not under his control.  Only his aura was under his control.  Ultimately he died of drugs or was poisoned as even his aura got out of his control because his mind and perceptions become too clouded.

This is where the West has a more clear line of escaping from the trap of energy or many other sorts of unconscious relations by providing a voice for largely unconscious feelings, and requiring emotional authenticity.  The latter is almost completely unobtainable for many.

As I quoted David Spero in an earlier post:

“Knowing and expressing one’s feelings is the very definition of authenticity, and any good enlightenment teaching will tell you that the "first commandment" in sadhana is: "Thou shalt be sincere.””

30 October 2017

Seduced by the Void

The silence of the Void is very seductive.  Once you know it fully, it keeps inviting you to pay attention only to it.

The emptiness, the space of the Void penetrates everything, all experience, from that of the body, the mind and its thoughts, emotions, and also cuts ambition. One wants to just rest in the Void.

The internal spaciousness of the Void is the same as the space we perceive outside: both are visual phenomena.  The skin boundary between subjective and objective experience disappears.
But after a while you notice that you are witnessing both simultaneously.  You, the ultimate are outside of both, not subject to life and death.  But immersion in the Void is a powerful hypnotic attractor, and eventually you can feel qute isolated from both your inner world and your outer world.  You feel no motivation to participate in the world, and all emotions have been dissolved by the Void.

The only way out is to love.  Love something, love someone, and that will pull you back into life.  But it is not easy to love from that position of the Void.  That love usually has to come from without.  But you can aid the coming out by being aware that you have no love left in you and too long for that love. Longing is essential. Hoping, seeking, grasping.

29 October 2017

No Matter what Our Spiritual Tradition, We All Want and Need Love

Video of October 29, 2017 Satsang.  No matter what your spiritual tradition, we all search for love, from Zen masters, to energy teachers, to  Sufi and Yoga masters, to Robert Adams, we all search for love.  Yes, there are many who seek safety from a broken heart or relationship chaos as an escape from it, but that just proves a point.  We all want endless love.


28 October 2017


My background is psychology, Zen, and Advaita for over 40 years. Because of my psychology background I emphasize feelings and expressing emotions as part of any serious search for self realization. One can find many experiences, many states of mind and consciousness, and many kinds of emotions and emotional blockages when looking and feeling into your sense of self: Emptiness or the Void; the inner light of consciousness; internal energies such as Kundalini, Chi, energy centers or chakras; one's own sense of presence, which feels like and energy field within and around one's body; experiences of the divine arising within; great experiences of surrender and of merger to God or to another; self, as universal consciousness; emotions; finally, the most important thing, being able to love completely, totally, with abandon.
It is about all of these issues and areas that I teach. Come, we will explore these together. This way is not so much about teachings, but learning how to experience your self on all levels, to discover and manifest everything that you are, from the divine, to complete nothingness, consciousness, all of which is embodied in a physical/mental bundle. You are incarnate.

23 October 2017


To David from me:

One thing that is so very, very obvious to me now, almost all of my students are unable to articulate their inner processes, whether it is of energy states, emotions, neediness, loneliness, sadness, Chi, etc., and they tend to speak in very abstract ways about their inner negative experiences, and tend to use otherwise very inappropriate words, and are entirely clueless about their inner worlds, an thus about their external world. And intelligence does not seem to make a difference. The smart and knowledgeable are equally afflicted.

From David to me:

You wrote “...almost all of my students are unable to articulate their inner processes, whether it is of energy states, emotions, neediness, loneliness, sadness, Chi, etc., and tend to speak in very abstract ways about their inner negative experiences, and tend to use very inappropriate words, and are entirely clueless about their inner worlds, an thus about their external world. And intelligence does not seem to make a difference.”

I also face this issue with (many) guests at my events. The problem seems to be that few people actually live in their bodies. They are off in their imaginations somewhere, commenting on “self" from some far-away place, as though they live off-planet. Here’s an example: someone begins talking to me about “enlightenment,” about wanting to be “enlightened,” but as the discussion goes deeper (if it does), it becomes obvious that the real topic is sadness, loneliness, frustration and perhaps even depression. But the whole problem is falsely articulated in terms of “not being able to become enlightened."

Learning “assisted introspection,” and/or “learned articulation” could be helpful, since knowing and expressing one’s feelings is the very definition of authenticity, and any good enlightenment teaching will tell you that the "first commandment" in sadhana is: "Thou shalt be sincere.”

This sort of insincerity goes on spontaneously in such people and it’s chronic, i.e., ongoing—like a stream of consciousness fantasy, where one forgets one is fantasizing.

In such instances, I often have to go to great pains to even begin having a real and sincere discussion, having to even dismiss the initial comments. For immediately I can sense the disconnect between feelings and content of discussion. What is this, in a word? Insanity.

Namaste, David


These are true wisdom teachings never heard in Advaita or Zen. But this is my experience. Almost all that come to me have no idea of who or what they are because they are not first, simply human, simply feeling and expressing their feelings.

I have a slightly different take on this inability of many of my students able to express their feelings: They were never taught the words. They were not spoken in their homes. So all the feelings these people have, in a sense are not well-formed. This is what a psychotherapist does: he or she guides the client into looking and feeling within, and giving life and form to undifferentiated emotions and energies. They help clients discover and express them as if they were still toddlers who felt feelings but could not express them because they lacked the words.

This is not really using one's brain, so to speak, but teaching the heart-feelings how to speak for themselves, especially feelings like fear, sadness, loneliness, emptiness, love, wants, and sexual desires. The undifferentiated "soup" of inner energies and unformed feelings become well formed and defined, and each is found to be related in its own way towards the personal self and the external world. This allows the person to be comfortable in his or her body and have an accurate map of the world.

22 October 2017


20 October 2017

There is absolutely no difference between life and death, between form and emptiness, between something that is and nothingness.  After you have spent a lifetime of exploring different dimensions of your inner self, the outer world, of inner energies, kundalini, Chi, states of consciousness, and various openings for self-realization’s and other kinds of realizations besides that of self, all are seen as equal.  They are all experiences or lack thereof.  But still you are there either knowing or not knowing, perceiving or not perceiving.  It does not matter if you as either body or consciousness dies or lives, it is all the same.

There is only one difference for those who have truly grasped or been grasped by the absolute: Love!  And by this, I mean divine levels of love while in the human form, towards the divine in another, in a human or even an animal, or other spiritual being’s form.

Such total love for another, for their very personal selves, for their vulnerabilities, for their kindnesses, for their caring, for their lovingness, for their devotion, and their commitment, all of that leads to a total love so deep, so profound, that you fall at the feet of your divine in worship of her or him as yourself, as more than yourself.  For you have found God in another, and thereby found God in yourself.  And you are complete, God loving God, resting in him or herself, complete, profoundly peaceful, profoundly at rest, nothing more to do, nowhere to go, for you are side-by-side holding hands, touching hearts.

08 October 2017

October 8 Satsang Video.  The need to embrace both ends of the spectrum of You, from the very personal, to the divine, to the Absolute, and not just opt for the Absolute beyond the touch of consciousness.  There is great, great spiritual and growth value in personal versus “transcendent love.”  It keeps you grounded, and you need that, because both emptiness and Nothingness are so seductive, leading one to disappear.


07 October 2017



06 October 2017

Listen here to the truth.

Advaita works!  It works because its teachings are true.  Within your experience you will find the inner light of consciousness and the void or inner emptiness which penetrates everything within you, body, mind and emotions.  But you cannot find the absolute, the witness, because you are that.  That is, the absolute is not within your experience.  It is not experienced as that which is unchanging.

Indeed, personality is a kind of fraud, a feeling of separation, individuation, of being human.  Advaitic says “broaden your outlook,” look at the totality of your consciousness, everything you see hear, taste and touch now, disidentify with the personal and with your body, and reidentify with consciousness.  Then what do you get?

Read Nisargadatta.  Nisargadatta’s teachings are all about leaving the personal.  He says consciousness and your body arise out of the essence of the four or five elements. He says there is nothing personal there, all are the actions of an impersonal world spontaneously unfolding, or of the power that knows the way.  He goes into detail how the sperm and ovum get together and from that the seed of consciousness is born.  There is nothing personal here.  It is all just chemistry, impersonal, material, and we misidentify with the body and personality as us.

Instead we should identify with the totality of consciousness, and thereby transcend our human hood.  We feel immortal, because we identify with the concept of unchanging and eternal, or beyond even mortal and eternal.  But this absolute can never be seen, for we are the subject and therefore logically, we are outside of consciousness, so while consciousness may be fleeting, we as the observer are not.  One can directly have many experiences that verify this as any concept can be verified either in spiritual experiences or belief in religious scriptures.

And what have you gained following this process?  You have gained freedom from being an individual, a human, mortal, vulnerable, weak, suspect to death, disease, loss and loneliness.  Emptiness and the sheer knowledge that you are beyond consciousness in the body frees you from your human hood.  But at what price?

It is actually a solution for old people who fear death, for people with unbearable suffering from loss, depression, rage, anxiety.  Emptiness in the knowingness that you come from nothingness, as a result of chemistry, or physical mechanisms, supposedly frees you from identification with your personality, your needs, with your desperation.

But at what price?

And as Sasaki Roshi told me, and this applies to Advaita also, there is no love in Zen.  There is emptiness and existence, but no love.  What is the cost of losing that?  What is the cost of gaining invulnerability and transcendence, other than losing your vulnerability, your openness to experience loss and death, your total surrender to being just a blink in time, with a beginning and an ending within meaningless existence?

But what is the price of losing human hood?  What is the price of losing devotion?  What is the price of losing anxiety and fear?  The price is that you have lost your humanity, and this world true humanity is so very beautiful and so very, very rare.

I watched Robert up close, teaching.  Always his teachings pointed away from being a human, from suffering, from human problems, from involvement in the world, and instead know the message that you are God, transcendent spirit, beyond and before time and space.  But like Jesus gave a message of peace to calm a violent world, Robert gave a message of transcendence from human suffering, fear of death, depression, and fear itself.

But he himself went out of his way to take care of his wife and children even after his death by turning the teachings over to his wife Nicole.  Since then every Tom, Dick, and Harry imaginable has come along to claim ownership or successorship.  Robert also sought the love of a woman, even buying flowers for one was also his student, bringing her chocolates, and I know, because I was there. 

Why did Robert seek love?  There are many reasons?  When confronted once he said because they needed it, that love coming from a guru was an entirely different context from the love a man or woman normally receives from one another or from parents, siblings, or children.  And as such, it can be so much more powerful, intense, and thus healing and the most profound way.

In another way, feeling love for woman kept Robert human, any font to be human, he was always slipping from him into the inner emptiness he felt all the time, into the interspace it was dissolving his personal sense of self all the time.  He fought to keep the personal, to be with others in the world, not only out of compassion for others and what he can do to help them, but also to keep himself as a human, alive.

This is the truth.  I doubt you will ever hear this from anyone else.  Most teachers either teach of the Absolute and leaving the “mundane,” while the others teach embodiment only, and even if they know it well, in teaching they reject transcendence.  But those who teach both? There is a rare one in Sedona who may teach this way, sometimes.  There is a rare one in Portland, who might also teach this way.  And everywhere, a few rare students, who know this to be true.

05 October 2017

I have a problem.  No matter how much I read about losing one’s sense of being an individual, or a person, or of being impersonal, I can’t do it.  I am a person.  I am a human.  I am very, very flawed, and my sense of being vulnerable, in a sense, is my identity.   I am totally needy for love, to give it and to receive it.

Yes, yes, I know emptiness, and was and still am immersed in it for decades.  Yes, it permeates all my emotions and makes my body into an object permeated by nothing.  Still, I easily identify with my body.

Yes, I can obseve the entirety of consciousness and see it, know it as separate from me, but my emotions are real, powerful.  My need for others is as palpable, and actually much more so, than my endless experience of the Void or even the nothingness of sleep, or even my knowingness which precedes experience.

Consciousness is fleeting.  My body is fleeting.  My emotions even more fleeting.  But without devotion or being devoted too, life is nothing, brittle,  dry, worth less than a simple lick by my cat, or a glance from my Beloved. Love draws me back from the abyss of endless dryness, space, nothingness and roots me in my rare, rare existence as a person.

Essentially, all that I have taught is about comfort, distancing one’s self from suffering, from fear, from neediness.  It is used as a crutch by many, soothing words of space and the void, which are nice to know, but so very rare and short is my life. I value it so much, and more than anything else, to touch and be touched by my Beloved.

04 October 2017

This is an advisory, to be noted and filed away for the future.

There is a secret teaching shared by true teachers, real teachers, only with a teacher of similar rank and understanding, or a very rare friend, or a very rare student.  It is a teaching so direct, so immediate, that everybody knows it to a degree, but fears it immensely.

There are so few people who are able to love completely anything, someone, something living.  That complete immersion in devotion for another is a magic key to spiritual maturation.  The depths of one’s being is found in the love for another.

All the other teachings will are preparatory.  Meditation, wondrous, concentration on the Scriptures, pondering the scriptures, are all valuable, but as preparation, not fulfillment.  When you are fulfilled through total devotion and surrender to another, God bursts you alive from within, completing you, exploding you, rendering you helpless for a bit, and even allowing a rare one to see they are themselves God.

The guru often serves this function, and he or she knows it, that he holds the hearts of many students in his hands and gives according to their needs, if it is within or her ability to provide given the situation.

This is the secret teaching, the teachings of the completely personal, of personal vulnerability and love.  This is this love that brings you alive and brings you to God, to the realization of the self as completely personal,  and yet the totality of manifest consciousness.  Such is the contradiction contained by this sage.

It is very rare to find another that you can love so deeply, completely, thoroughly, and entirely, that your own divinity is revealed to yourself.

It is so rare to find that deepest of all deep loves, and if you have not found it, just serve others, take care of others, give yourself to others, surrender to others, to a cat, to a dog, to an insect, to a beautiful tree, and thus begins the path of true devotion.

Advaita allows you access to the absolute, Buddhism to emptiness, which can render you fearless, and from this fearlessness to step back into the human hood, into the very, very, personal human you are.  And from that position, to love with all of your being this someone, something, with all your heart, with all your mind and spirit, emptying yourself out.

This secret no guru tells you in public, except a rare one who does not fear the rejection of others, because most of those that come to him, come wanting escape from their own sorrow, lost loves, or to find acceptance for where they are.  They do not want to hear that the final teaching is of utter devotion, reckless love, and passionate abandonment of self to complete the self.

But again, this is so very rare and secret teaching, a Tantric teaching. Most have to walk with bliss, enchantment, the energies, the witness, and everything beyond consciousness for long time until they are thoroughly aware of everything in nothingness and consciousness.  Having gone this far into nothingness, it is the hardest thing to come back, when it is so rare to be called back by someone into the world of hardness, the world of need, a world of love and loss, grief and death.

So very rare are the teachers that can say this, and even more rare are students who can feel this.  The teacher has to be so very gentle, and the students very open, and then one day a few grow greater than the teacher.

My Beloveds have fled Arizona to the four corners of the world, and my heart breaks.

01 October 2017

My Beloved

My Beloved has returned to me.

Years of emptiness, of space, and she returns.

We swim in each other’s love, sinking deeper and deeper into it.

And surprise after surprise, we find the depths boundless, endless,  completely abolishing space and time.

Our linking is forever, beyond fickle consciousness’s reach.  I discover this bonding is between us all, all the time, an eternal linkage, available when you choose one, your Beloved; it takes you to a place never known before, entirely beyond spirit.

You feel it, but the words do not come.  How can they?  So limited is their reach and ability to explain.

Yet the divine mystery is within easy reach if only you die to you, to be in your Beloved’s presence, naked, humble, smaller than an atom, it is all revealed, and yet you know you have but scratched the surface of the mystery.  There is much further to go.

30 September 2017

First, you discover you are not your body and loosen your connection with it.

Then you realize you are really the spirit that lived within and lifed your body.

Then you understand that your body is just an appearance within consciousness, and your awareness expands.

Next you see that not only are you consciousness localized in time and place, but you are spirit, everywhere and everywhen.

Time and space are creations of consciousness and in themselves are unreal. Fictions. Concepts used for navigation within a continuum of spiritual realms.
No longer completely human, having transcended matter, you also see that consciousness, spirit, is contained within you.

How does this happen, this amazing unfolding of spiritual intelligence?

Only through love.

Love of spirit and the unfolding wonderment of transcending individual identification, she reveals everything.

Or, love of the guru whoever that is for you. The deepest love. Complete surrender to your Beloved, man, woman, beast or Jesus. It does not matter who or what you love. What matters is you empty your heart to your Beloved. Become nothing, the tiniest of Gopis, the tiniest, most insignificant ground that supports her body. This is the fastest, straightest, and most heart rending way. The messiest and direct path of God, to the divine within who lives you.

Yet, your humanhood is always accessible to you, never really lost, but transformed and expanded to be all inclusive.

My Beloved!

24 September 2017



As soon as you open your mouth, you lie. It is impossible not to. Language is a convention based on shared beliefs. The real lies entirely outside them. Your bring that net of illusion with you to satsang. Even the teacher has a net, but hopefully smaller. You each cast your net of illusion on the teacher and vice versa.

But the real can only be FELT when you meet heart to heart outside of words. Then the words spoken speak for and from your heart.


23 September 2017

The utter nonsense around the numerous sexual scandals surrounding gurus.

Spiritual teachers have often spent their entire lives exploring energy phenomena, processes of the subtle body, love, kundalini, Shakti, as well as the sexual aspect of Shakti.  These are not ordinary beings.  They have developed a heightened awareness of both themselves and the other, and all have developed a greatness of heart—that is authentic teachers.  And there are so many, male and female, such as in the Shaivite tradition.

Ramakrishna, one of the greatest saints of the 19 century, was well-versed in the sexual aspects of the Shakti, and transmission of the Shakti through various Tantric sexual techniques.  But here in the West, they are not taught, because in the West, sexuality is a highly charged subject and judgment for discussion.  Therefore, most teachers, if they choose to use these techniques or teach these techniques, do so behind closed doors so to speak.  This is not an open teaching.  They would be judged and found  guilty of the most heinous alleged crimes, and the entire sangha castigated and roundly criticized for having sex with a student.

But what happens with a teacher who is highly developed in the ways of Shakti, of love, of opening of the heart, feeling the emptiness, becoming lost in the ecstasy of sexuality as well as into the heart of his partner, it is not the awkward and tawdry affair it is for most people except those who are desperately in love.  In the latter case, their experiences approaches that of the guru and the loving disciple, male or female.

There have been so many scandals involving so many gurus, that now it is a totally hidden subject.  Nobody is teaching it anymore for fear of the repercussions, lawsuits, condemnation, public accusation, and lawsuits.

I want to read you something from a book by David Spiro called sexual yoga:

“Expressing sexual love is the energy of divine play.  Innocence of touch and innocence from the field of knowledge allow us to play in this divine garden.  We are neither male nor female deep within the body’s psyche, the core of existence, sexual love is a bodily play where the deepest level of feeling comes to be expressed.  In the height of sexual embrace the waves of Shakti engulf, purify and transforms our lives into divine consciousness.

Breath, feeling, and contemplation of the source of all beauty all merge in divine sexual love.  The yoga of sexual love is no different from any other worshipful act.  When the Supreme Beloved is felt and seen in the human face of your beloved, the natural urge toward ecstatic transcendence can be stimulated and filled.  Waves of divine bliss usurped the separate individual lives into one consciousness.

It is necessary in divine sexual yoga that human desire become yoked to the kundalini-Shakti through touch, breath and meditational consciousness.  The source of beauty shines through the activity of sexual play and the purity of the lover can glisten like the moon rise on a clear winter night.

Each person must become both Shiva or pure awareness, and Shakti, divine energy.  We cannot assume a limited psychological identity and participate ecstatically.  As we move into our emotional vulnerability, we find a child, parent, mother, father, brother and sister wanting to love and be loved.  It is not possible to move into divine sexual ecstasy unless there is this vast spectrum of felt lovability and infinite tenderness.

Sexual love draws us into the ultimate dimension of our spiritual life; it fills the body with Shakti, vibrational power that manifests this whole universe.

Celibacy is a natural condition for some spiritual aspirants.  For others, it is unnatural.  It is natural for those in whom it comes unforced and is unnatural when it is accompanied by effort.  So celibacy is often used to avoid emotions which are disturbing or make one feel too vulnerable.  Celibacy should not be a desired condition.  It has no inherent superiority over a sexually active lifestyle.

The closest metaphor for divine love and total awakening is expressing sexual love.  The most intensely fragile moment for human life are breathing and feeling the Shakti as each other.

Both homosexuality and heterosexuality, spring out of the total void.  Unconditioned energy is absolutely sexual.  Spiritual life and bodily life are one.  I am tempted to say that if you cannot maintain your self-realization in the posture of sexual love, then you are not truly enlightened.  Have you ever seen the expressions of Shiva and Shakti in the iconography of induced picture of spirituality?  You can see expressions of unfathomable tenderness to the point of pain.  It is not the sex act that is creating the pain but the perception of immense beauty and the attempt to express it bodily.

Devotion is endless love of God.  To love beyond duration produces a state of divine insatiableness.  Then we begin to know that we are being loved by that which loves us.  In divine sexual love, when both the body and emotions are yoked to the breath, which is established in the field of pure consciousness, supreme love becomes expressible as human touch.

Sexual love naturally contains meditation and devotion within it.  Divine touch or sexual loving this at the ground of existence naturally draws us into the deepest part of our being.  We offer what we are bodily in kindness and delicacy.  To the one we love we become a doorway to the supreme.

Mercy and forgiveness are natural qualities in real sexual intimacy.  We must become humbled by our own vulnerabilities.  Divine sexual love is not a sex act.  It is total surrender into one’s feeling.  It is not mechanical pleasure or successful sexual relations.  There is no sex act because the whole field of action is winding down, disappearing is one melts into one’s beloved.

Sexual hypocrisy or emotional-sexual phoniness is one of the great diseases of our time.  Sexual hypocrisy originates in bodily-sexual ambiguity in the field of touch and deep ignorance of one’s emotional nature.  Functioning in such an un-clarified state produces lukewarm sexual relations and robs the being of ecstatic sexual participation and transcendental experience.  What is that allows such a vast compromise?  Convenience, adherence to or rejection from social norms, and the terror of seeing and being seen in the nakedness of love.”
So very, very few lovers attain to this state of total understanding of the grace of sexual love, and it need not ever be consummated.  Just the deep longing for the embrace of your beloved itself can set of cosmic-energy-like explosions of bliss, and feelings of being loved as never before.  A love so deep and profound as to heal so many of our lifelong traumas of the past.

So look and listen carefully with this understanding in mind before you judge gurus or teachers who have developed exquisite sensitivities to both their own heart of hearts, but also to the hearts of their beloveds.

02 September 2017

Satsang Sunday , at 11 AM, September 3 California/Arizona time.

Go to: https://zoom.us/j/2950292557 AFTER 10AM

29 August 2017

Robert said, “Of course you exist, you are speaking to me aren’t you?”

You can never know what you are objectively, descriptively, with attributes described by adjectives.  You are the witness of everything, including the world, your own mind, your emotions, your wants and desires, even your sleep and dreams.  Yes, you do know your own sleep.  You know what is like.  Dark, comfortable, relaxed, even though you do not constantly witness the state of sleep all night long as if you are awake.  You do know what it is like when you are coming out of it and going into it, and it just keeps getting deeper and deeper.

In my awakening experience 22 years ago, I looked inside for the 10,000th time, looking for the ’I’  who is experiencing water flowing from a showerhead.

“Who is it that feels this water hitting my back,” I asked, and peered deeply into my inner emptiness in the area of my heart.  And what I saw, I had seen 10,000 times before, just an unending internal emptiness, space, the Void, and entirely subjective thing in the sense that it was within my experience of self, rather than outside of my skin in the world.

For the first time, after asking that question 10,000 times before over the previous 25 years, I saw that there was no entity to which the word “I” referred.  There was no ‘I’ to which the I thought and I concept referred.  That is, the word “I” referred to an empty set.  There was no ‘I’-entity inside of me anywhere, in mind, body, spirit.  There Was Just the Void, just emptiness, and I realized for the first time I was that emptiness.  That is, the I-sense was illusory.   There was just emptiness and upon it a superimposed feeling of presence, along with the concept that there was some core that the word “I” pointed to.

I was just the Void.  There was no Ed Muzika.  Ed Muzika was a name associated with form, my body, but there was no Ed Muzika inside as an entity, a soul, a being.  I no longer felt like I had a sense of presence.  There is just crystal-clear emptiness everywhere and my mind was silent.  I felt greatly afraid, because there was no me.  It was just emptiness.  This was disconcerting I felt no one was in control.  I think this may have been the same fear that Ramana Maharshi felt before his death experience of his personal self.

I called Robert who had left for Sedona two weeks before.  I said, “Robert, I do not exist, all that there is. is emptiness.  I am scared!”

Robert said, “Of course you exist!  You are talking to me, aren’t you?”  That was it.  That was the solution!  I didn’t exist as the mythical idea of Ed Muzika, as a soul, as a psychic entity of any kind whatsoever.  But I did exist as a physical entity speaking in real-time to another physical entity, using terms and words such that we perfectly understood each other.

 Really, nothing had changed--much.  I no longer believed in Ed Muzika as a discrete consciousness entity, a soul, so to speak, but instead of being a soul, I now used the word “emptiness,” or “nothingness” as a descriptor of who I was.  Yet, mostly I was exactly the same person, but no longer thinking about myself as having a center, or a soul.  I was emptiness, or emptiness was manifesting itself through this body/mind entity.  I had exchanged my apparent soul, my sense of presence, for the experience of nothingness, which felt like a hard, clear, vacuum, devoid of a sense of presence.  It felt like I did not exist, at least as I had felt myself to exist before.

But to call this nothingness “ParaBhraman” or the “Absolute” was out of the question.  At that time, I just would not have thought of re-engaging mind playing with descriptive terms to describe my sense of existence, because I had none.

Many years later, I had quite a different experience, a flip-side type of existence, where I did regain a soul, or a very concrete sense of my own existence, in an explosion of inner energy, light, and bliss, feeling endless love and internal energies flowing in me upwards from my gut, explosively through my heart and into my head and beyond.  I felt a recognition of the divine within me, and also as me, as a separate conscious process witnessing the birth of a God sensation within me, like we were two entities, side-by-side, holding hands working through this body mind apparatus.  Such does time and experience change our ideas of self.  I called this ltter experience the Realization of the Manifest Self.

So many experiences, so many final truths, so many descriptive words.

Then I read Nisargadatta and his teacher Siddharameshwar, who both spoke of the existence of four bodies that constituted our existence with the totality of our consciousness: the physical body; the subtle body of energies, bliss, mind, emotions, aspirations, discrimination, touch, sight, sound etc.; the causal body which was variously called forgetfulness, space, or the Void; and the supra-causal body, otherwise known as Turiya which underlaid the other three bodies, which all together constituted the totality of our consciousness.

Variously described, Turiya was the witness of the of the three bodies, the supporting body of the other three bodies, or as pure knowledge, which itself was described as just being oneself without knowledge of that self.  There is just the knowing that I was the witness of my body, the external world, the internal energies, bliss, as well as the great void, or emptiness, and myself was unseen and unseeable because I was the Seer.

Thus, at the basis of Nisargadatta and Siddharameshwar’s philosophy of being, was a dualistic assumption, that the self cannot see or know itself.  Ultimately, they used many analogies such as the eye cannot see the eye except by means of a reflection in a mirror.  They called this reflective objective knowledge.  But pure knowledge, consciousness without an object, was not knowable, because by knowing it becomes an object, and not part of the pure knowledge of self.

I thoroughly understand this point of view, but having myself experienced two very different realizations under two entirely different teachers and systems behind those teachers, it just became clear that there is nothing at all that one can say about the self, whether this is the emptiness I identified with the 1995, or the explosive, blissful, powerful, lighted energy that I experienced as myself, and as God, in 2009, or lastly, the Turiya state which was pure knowledge without an object, that pervaded all other objects in new all other objects and bodies such as the physical, subtle, and the Void.

I knew too, that that self that could not know itself, because it was the knower of all other attributes not associated with the self, had no attributes, and no existence in the world.  Thus, anything that said about it would be wrong.  You can call it ParaBhraman, but that would be wrong.  It has none of the attributes associated with that concept ParaBhraman which are listed as infinite numbers in various Hindu scriptures.  You cannot say it is infinite.  You cannot say it is unborn.  You cannot say it is eternal.  You cannot say it is ephemeral.  He cannot say it is without time or is timeless.  You cannot say it is God or anything else because those terms belong to descriptions within the existing universe that you see, hear, feel, touch, taste, and think about.

This is the self we meet when we are just absolutely quiet, when we are resting in our chair, totally relaxed, sinking ever more deeply into our sense of self.  All that we can say provisionally is that self appears to be boundless, it appears to be entirely peaceful, and entirely without attributes, because any spoken attributes belong to the world of perception, not to the dimension of the perceiver, the knower, the seer.  As soon as Nisargadatta opened his mouth, he was telling lies.  He even says so himself, over and over, because words do not fit the ultimate reality which is you, when you are totally withdrawn into you.  There is no room there for words or attributes.  You are too dense for any word to fit in.  You are impervious to having any attribute whatsoever, whether it be eternality, mortality, or immortality, no terms whatsoever for you.  Only shut the fuck up, and be you!

When you are being you, totally, sunk into yourself, there is no room for words.  There is no room for attributes.  There is no room for existence or nonexistence.  These terms just do not compute in that state of being.  Even the terms being and nonbeing do not apply here.  The only terms that remotely touched the state, are “rest” and “peace” and these only fit when you are sinking into it.  When completely in it, you become everything witnessed, the totality of the manifest consciousness.

All the words that Robert Adams spoke were there to make you feel rested, quiet, relaxed, and at peace.  Robert would say, “You do not exist; the world is not real, it is an optical illusion; everything is predetermined; there is no free will; you are peace that surpasses understanding; everything is unfolding as it should; there is a power that knows the way, so just abide there; ignore the world, do not react to it; your mind is your enemy, ignore it!”

All these words were there to get you out of your mind and its preoccupation about planning, thinking, remembering, getting upset, saying basically, “It is out of your hands, just relax and go with the power that knows the way.”  What happens when we practice this, when we progressively detach from the world and refuse to react to it?  Theoretically, we get more and more peaceful.  We discover how much more peaceful we feel we are not constantly distracted and bothered by thinking, reasoning, planning, observing with the intent to understand.  Just observing without intent, without an end in mind, without a desire to understand, just be yourself.  One gets ever more peaceful.  This is what Robert’s messages were about, making you slow the mind down and ignoring the mind and ignoring the distractions of the world, and just more and more sink into yourself, even though you do not know what yourself is, you just sink into your background, into your source.

Of course, nothing is easy as it is presented by gurus and other spiritual teachers.  Hardly anyone has the dedication, focus, and trust that would allow them to just progressively rest into oneself.  The mind always wants to read books, go to workshops, listen to teachers, watch television, have sex, have new kinds of foods, go on vacations in strange places far away.  Almost no one knows that perfect peace, that perfect rest, that comes with resting in one’s own self. 

I do not mean the manifest self of explosive bliss, and feeling the divine within.  Nor do I mean that no self of clear, cold, emptiness or Void that I experienced in 1995.  But I do mean the self that realizes it is not the world, is not the body, it is not the mind, it is not the bliss, it is not the experience of God.  Ultimately, the realization is that everything in consciousness is apart from the self that watches it.  My experience was and is, that the various states of consciousness, to me, wash over me, and I get involved in them, but essentially I have nothing to do with them.  They are a show that I watch.  This is the experience that Robert called enlightenment.  This is the experience that Nisargadatta would also acknowledge as enlightenment.  This is the realization that whatever I am, I stand apart from everything that is experienced, seen, touched, felt.

But that does not mean we can say anything about that self, whether it is eternal, immortal, spacious, or compact.  No attributes that belong as descriptors within consciousness can be attributed to that which witnesses consciousness.  We cannot say it is unborn, by saying that birth is only relevant to something happening in consciousness, such as the birth of the body, but I am not that.  Yes, you can say I am unborn, but as Robert said, “Of course you exist, you are talking to me are not you?”

That is, your body will die, and with that consciousness.  One can say that the self does not die, because death is something that happens in consciousness, such as the death of the body or even the death of consciousness, but one cannot give that attribute to the self.  See you cannot say you are unborn, that your self is unborn, because the term unborn would refer to consciousness, but when consciousness ends, we have no idea about the state of the self, just as we have no idea about the self in you that functions as you presently.  Nothing can be said about it. You cannot call it God, eternal, purity, Parabrahman, etc.

And since nothing can be said about it, just about everybody does talk about it and it’s miraculous attributes, transcendence, spaciousness, sentience, omnipotence, omniscience, etc.  But these are all word games.

For example, often they say consciousness is infinite, because it contains all the stars and galaxies which are vast distances away, yet we can see them, we can contemplate them, we can think about them, and therefore consciousness exists at that point of a distant galaxy.  And since we are witnessing that distant galaxy, we (the self) extends everywhere that consciousness is, therefore we are as omniscient as consciousness, the self is as omniscient as the totality of consciousness is.  But you see, this is only philosophical bull shit.  We cannot speak about that which we do not know in any meaningful way.  If we do we are doing so just out of entertainment because we cannot really describe the self at all, or name, or describe any of its attributes, because descriptions only apply to consciousness.  We cannot meaningfully say or refer to self, as the One Self, or the One Self Of All.  That is purely metaphysical thinking, creating a God so to speak.  We cannot call the self God, because the concept God has many attributes, and the self I have been talking about has no attributes.  We cannot say it is deathless, because even though the word death applies to something happening in consciousness, we cannot apply the attribute of deathlessness to that which has no attributes.  In fact, it may have a beginning and end, and when our body and consciousness dies, that absolute no longer has our personal entity with which to perceive whatever’s to be perceived.  We just make up a truth only say there is just One Self.  This is a concept, wishful thinking.  We cannot say anything about that which we do not know and cannot know.